LOVIN' YOU_*

2010-02-26T15:40:00.003+08:00

After looking back my past, its been so many years of being an angel. Finally, I shed this outer skin of angel to a fallen one.

Sometimes, its really a lesson learn not only for me but for people around me. I think its time I quit being the person that people thinks about me for absolute tolerance, absolute kindness and absolute friendliness.

This is a friendship I adored for years but now I ended it in my own hands, let it return back to zero, its original position. Just treat it as a betrayal, a betrayal from someone you trust and you treat it as part of your family. Let the person I depend on and trust to take care of the party can do my 200% of my job or even better. Even though I don't want it to happen this way but it seems I led it to this ending. Maybe I should say just being selfish to end my misery it the fastest and the crudest way I have ever done. I don't know whether I will get other into trouble or pull the other into this, I pray and hope that it didn't.

This wound that is created will or might not heal but I pray someone better will appear to you and bring you greater happiness and better memories that I brought to you. May you forget what hurt I have brought, accept others like how you accept me before. Don't let what I have done and said hold you down. Life has to carry on. The world won't stop spinning for you when you are despair. There are so many unpredictable things going to happen in your life. Don't give up when something bad happens or things don't go in your way. Blessing will be always given by me in everything you going to do.

The last words I might see from you, "Adios Honey".

Adios Besty. A family I never forget. (:

2009-09-22T02:16:00.002+08:00

Yup! I came back here to put down all my feelings down again. Well, it may seems that I have abandon this place for a pretty long time. This place is always kept with me because when I am sad, blankness in mind, searching for an answer or find it hard to approach anyone, this will always be a wonderful rubbish chute to dump all the bad things in.

Its not that I can't find anyone to talk to, but it seems that the answers given are all unconfirmed or simply there are no answers at all. I don't like to express the true feelings to everyone that is with me, I admit I tend to pick different person to say about different things and the situation during that period of time.

I thinking change a lot for these few months, getting quieter but inner self change to a person sometimes those who are not too close to me won't know or found the changes. I know there are friends that are close to me can't take the sudden changes. They find me ridiculous and outrageous. From the surface, I may look so heck care but deep down in my heart I am not. Its not that I heck care after that thing happen to me but I am finding a way to bury my sadness and pain all away. I am using the wrong way, I found myself that I can't turn back and stop. To some, they will feel these are all excuses to pull myself from all the blames but I have nowhere, no one to comfort me and settle me down. These are not changes friends want to see in me but since its done, its done. I won't look back, turn back, or even put an end to all the things I have done and change.

After so long after the first incident that changes me, I thought no one can open that locked door after a series of pain. But yet I have found that someone that I want to depend on, lean on and shoulder on. But its seems the person I found will never be mine. I step a step closer to him but he move back one step further away from me. When I move backwards, he came so close, so close till I can't lose him. What am I to him? Just a girl that when he want to see me he call me and I have to be there and if he don't need me? Its seems so idiotic. Maybe things happen this way because I didn't tel him how I feel about him, but will he feel the way as I do? He didn't give me such a feeling. Instead I felt like a replacement to all his ex-girlfriends. I fell for the trap that I told myself I should never ever fall in again. I just fell in even though I notice it. Haaas! Its seems I didn't learn my lesson hard enough. Why should I pity and feel sad for him in the first place, letting him into my locked door? Regretted!

Can someone locked up the door again? I will learn the lesson not to open up due to unforeseen pity-ness and fell into the trap again!

2009-04-25T01:25:00.003+08:00

Its the worst thing that happen in my life... I guess. I really can't do my favourite things for at least half a year? I am so sad.

Basketball is my favourite hobby, its not whether I played it well or not. Its I enjoy the happiness in playing it. Its a time when I can de-stress, when there is no sex difference and plainly just enjoy the fun with my friends. Its a game when I can totally forget about everything. But now, even this simple thing I can't seems to do. What should I do? Getting emotional now isn't what I want to do. I can't run, I can't jump.

MY BACK IS KILLING ME!! I can't believe that my spine can give me such a huge trouble. I am feeling so useless here. I can't do simple stuffs like helping my mother to hang the clothings. I can't even enjoy the simplest thing now. I can't stand straight, sit comfortably, squatting down is a problem, bending kills me, even lying down is not a fortune anymore. Arrgh! When can I recover? I want my life back~!

What else is left for me to enjoy when sleeping is even causing me misery. I really want to do things that i wanted to do. God will u help me? ):

2009-03-31T00:36:00.003+08:00

It such a failure in life that I lost a close friend that always stands by me. Its seems that in the end everything still end in a way that I hated most and the ending that I don't want it to happen. Every time at the thought of making things better by talking to that person, there will always be a force that pulls me back, restraining me from doing it. Why? What is the thing that is pulling me? I don't know. I detest this kind of unsure feelings. It only make me feel down to the maximum. Maintaining a friendship is like maintaining a relationship. It will even need more care, concern and love being given to keep healthy, happy and stable. But it seems that my friendship if I don't put in more effort, it will turn fragile instantly. Am I too sensitive or is it true? I can't see clearly anymore. So blinded. Blinded by uncertainties. I am being buried down by heavy thinking and guessing. Tired of all the explanations and agony. Its all a endless nightmare that drains me mentally and emotionally.

I have 2 failures in life. I can't handle friends well as mention above and I can't handle relationship. I have faith that I can do everything well but when it comes to these two things I guess I have to surrender. *Raise white flags* I seldom gave things up that easily and being so negative. Confused totally. Nothing seems to be a good advice to me. I want to be a strong and reliable girl to everyone that they can trust and confess their vexing stuffs to me. I think I am getting old to handle all these now. Old in the mind. Old in the mental state. Old in the emotion. How long do I need to regenerate new brain cells to process all. Is changing my personality a good head start? Shouldn't be that soft at the first place that's my weakness. I think everyone knows that and I think I am the last to notice. *Boos* Don't even know myself well until others notice and tell me and the worse case, my friends tell me and I still don't agree until now. Acting is my favourite tool of covering up my everything. Living with a fake smile. Just act as it doesn't hurts a bit or acts like I don't even care. Yeah! That's me.

2009-03-23T22:23:00.005+08:00

This will be one of the confusing day in my life. Its time to move on from the past to present. Things just happen suddenly. The thing that I hope and pray have happened. But now I wonder, what will be the ending. Good and happy ending or sad and lost ending. Of course no one will pray for the negative side to happen, it serves the same to me.

I have lost confidence in this thing and I found in hard to believe that it finally happen to me. I am so caught unprepared, so lost. I can't face up this dream, the past still hurts me. What am I suppose to do? I can't wait for the answer to release but at the same time, I can't face the fact if the negative side came true. I even though of running away so I won't know the answer and I don't need to face the aftermath of it. I am such an ostrich, isn't it? People may laugh at me, this big sister is useless, can't face such a small thing but I am really afraid, very afraid. It seems that any solution in my mind cant work it out and fit it well. Its my second time facing this kind of failure in my life. Even if the answer is just right in front of me but I can't stretch my hands up to reach for it or should I say I can't even see it. What will happen to me? Will this thing end just like that? Will it be just a dream? Or will it be a happy ending? Its still a question.

二舅，您再看着我吗？请您帮帮我吧！希望一切不是梦。我还是不要抱着任何希望的好。

2009-03-16T23:10:00.004+08:00

Its been a long time since I last blog. Hahas. So reluctant to blog. Too lazy. its been the 3rd week of my attachment. Other slack, I can't find any other words to describe the days there. I slept in the lab almost everyday for at least 1 and a half hours. Hahas. When can I get out of this boring life. Getting bored everyday. But consider myself lucky. I am not alone, at least there are 5 friends with me. At first I kind of don't like 2 person there before my attachment but after 2 weeks of knowing each other, I change my view towards them. This really proves to me that first impression is not everything. I always thought first impression is important and always accurate but until now I then realise is wrong. Hope that it is not too late to found out now.

Watch a movie on Saturday with Karen and friends. Guess what's the movie's name.. Hahas. Stop the guessing game. Its , the Thai horror movie. It was consider good to me. Scary from the start till the end. I learn something at the end of the movie shown. Never ever sit beside Karen and Jeanette when watching horror shows. Firstly Jeanette will scare you when you were already afraid. Examples: Tapping your arm, call your name and etc... As for Karen, she got scare by one of the scenes and went out of control and its not the first time. Examples: Grab your arm, hit you hard on your arms, pull you from one side to the other and etc... And oh! I almost forget. Laughing after screaming was one of the "in" thing when watching horror movie. Who says so?? Don't be too curious. Its just Karen and I who invented this trend. People out there can try this stunt. Hahas. You will enjoy the ultimate sensation. Oops. Sounds a bit wrong huh. Although its scary for that movie but its still fun to have your close friends around you to watch this movie, cause you will get to see their fear. But don't go over limit okay? Don't say Ruyi never remind all of you. Feel like watching another show, anyone interested to watch with me? I am more than willing to watch with anyone if you are not afraid of bites. Hahas. Just joking. I am not so fierce.

I am avoiding nowadays. Kind of don't feel like meeting the person. Even seeing he/she 's face will make me irritated. After the chalet, I am totally disappointed with that person. When will he/she think of others' feelings and thoughts before him/her self? That person still may not know where the fault lies. But I had enough. Enough of all the nonsense. Its been 2 years since we last argue over things. I am sick of tired of arguing the same things over and over again with you. Because you never did listen to us. Never did think likewise about how we will feel. Never did stand in our views and think. And lastly never did really appreciate us before. This is how I feel, others may feel that its not true. But thats how strongly I think of you. I did try to change you but have no avail to that. So I change myself to suit you but in the end. It brings more disaster to me. Because you grow more and more out of control and overbearing. Using attachment to run away from the responsible I should bear and overcome. Too tired, too disappointed to do resolve this things. Just feel like running to a safe and quiet place without you to chill out and rest. I know this must end, sooner or later. Actually the faster the better. But I know, now I am not in the state to change any of the facts. Just wait till after my attachment, after I get my break and rest enough from the sight of you I will try to amends the things between all of us.

2008-11-21T00:46:00.002+08:00

I have been trying to train my stamina these 2 weeks. And I finally can jog 5 rounds around circle green without stopping and I won't go out of breath. I am really happy. I am trying to use this way to lose weight and to train for my upcoming NAFA. I think my body is made up of plastics. Can't lose weight now. Tomorrow will be jogging again. I hope can conquer the 6th round. My speed still slow but my stamina is there, I believe.

Still searching for my motivation in life. To push me to the limit, to excel in my life. Time goes by fast and I felt that I just live the days by doing nothing. Till now, only a few of my friends know that I came back to blog after a long time. I decided to let the others slowly find out that I came back blogging.

Been thinking a lot this week. I am a very fortunate girl. My family consider near perfect, friendship consider perfect. Nothing in my life for the present has been bad. Maybe there are some things that worries me but its nothing really serious. But now, I just felt the emptiness in my heart. Like a person without a soul. After jogging for these 2 weeks, I found out that when I jog these days, I show no expression. Just like a empty shell jogging.

In the past, I fear death. Now, death to me is just nothing. I am just worried that if i really meet death one day, the only thing I can't let go will be my beloved family and friends. To me, their are my responsible to take care of them, to give them concern, to provide them with love and entertainment. The only left in this world that I haven't fulfill is filial piety. I am still a student, I don't have work that can support my parents, give them a good life. They should enjoy life by now if it wasn't me. My second sister and mother is working to provide for the family. Because of me, I am the youngest in my family, my mother has to continue working until i graduate and when i step into the working society. When I see other parents, I felt so guilty. Others parents at my parents age are now at home taking care of their grandchildren. When they have time, they can go to the nearest park for Taichi to keep them healthy. Their children give them money to go overseas to enjoy and take a good look of other countries culture. But what about my parents, fighting hard to maintain in their job, in the meanwhile they have to take care of their health.

I felt so useless. Only knows how to spend their money. Well, others may think that finding a job is an alternative but now, in this kind of economy, who will want to employ a student to work part time. My time after i started in poly no longer flexible or even stable. But what can I do?

Every time I see my mother suffer in pain due to her health, my heart seems to have thousand of knives slicing it. But I said nothing at all to her. I am not that kind that is good at expressing my feelings to my love ones. It hurts deep down but how can I show it out? I have kick the habit of showing my weakness to others for a long time. And I am used to this kind of method. Burying all deep down. Too many knots in my heart ignored, when time passes it started to tie on. From a small and tiny knot to a pile of strings totally messed up.

I found out that when things starts to bother you, it comes not only in ones but in piles. When things starts to bother you, death seems nothing to be afraid of. Death seems so tempting. This is a mind of an human when things go out of control.

But just some things are just not meant to be touched. Let it remain this way. Let those untouched be ignored. Let death be so tempting now...

2008-11-18T22:13:00.004+08:00

Its all about desire. All human beings desires. Who don't? You walk on streets, you see different colour skins or people with same skin colour as you but I strongly believe that different people have different kind of desires. They may be the same race as you but things that we want might be totally different.

Top 5 Desires(not in order)
1. Be wealthy
2. Be healthy
3. Be handsome or pretty
4. Be popular
5. Be happy

I guess a lot of people's desires falls on the above. Who don't want to be rich and not work but to sit down and shake leg?? Who don't want to be healthy? No one wants to live in pain with sicknesses or illnesses. Who don't want to be handsome or pretty? To attracts opposite sex attention. Who don want to be popular, who don't want to be happy??

Everything in life falls in the trap of desires. The more we human desires, the more we want. The hunger will never end until we die off.

People living in poverty desires to live a better life or to be rich. Slowly, their desires become a need and they will start to hunger and hunt for it. It may get so serious that people use all their might to get what they want by stealing, robbing and more. They may get lucky to slip off once or twice but can they get off so easily forever? The consequences are undesirable.

People tries hard to be happy. Not to be so stress up in life. But the more they wanted this to happen. The more stress they got. They never really realise that they are already in happiness and joy. Our expectations are to high that we ourselves can't fulfil and reach it. People end up devasted, tired, drop into huge depression or even the worst case, no will to live in this world.

Handsome and pretty. Right into topic huh. This is what most of the teenagers look up to. Appearance wise come first. Inner beauty second. I, myself, a teenager got to believe in that. Even though not all will look into appearance but I believe more than 70% of teenagers do! Below average looking girls wanted to be pretty. Average looking girls wants to be gorgeous. Pretty girls want to be the most prettiest among all. This serve the same to guys out there. But the percantage of being vain is lesser though. But why girls will think in this way and vice versa? Its simple and understandable isn't it? Guys want to find pretty gals as their partner and its serves another way round also. This desire will only make people grow sick and bring more competitveness to this world. Bigger size people decides not to eat to slim down. People spent more money on make-ups(for girls) and dressing(for all). People just can't to satisfied by their own looks and beauty. This desires may lead to change of character of a person.

To me all desires may change a person totally. Change a person's character, thinking, emotions and also from a heart of gold to nothing. The more people desires for stuffs the harder they have to work for it. Work and work and work and work... Endless desires endless work to do. Slowly a person's original self changes to a person others can't accept or even worst. Even trying to help or solve a problem for our friends and family are also a desire. Nothing in this world is not desired by people I guess. Even I, myself are like this. Kind of sad case here.

I just want a simple and happy life. Even this is simple, short and sweet I guess. But aren't this still desires?

2008-11-17T19:32:00.004+08:00

Time to think what is the meaning to live on. Suddenly feel really depressed. Nothing really happen although but just feel that nothing in life is pushing me to live my life to the fullest. There are only 2 things in my life that holds me down. First, my family. Second, my friends. They are the pillars of my life. Without them I would not have joy and a little sense of happiness. But are those 2 the only things I can rely on to bring me happiness and joy? I have been wondering for a long time.

Previously there was more than those 2 things I have said above that keeps me on in this world. In the past, tasting the sweetness of romance and love was one of my plan. But now, I don't even feel like having one. Too much things I have seen and heard from my friends that are going through. Kind of getting really tired in life. No motivation at all. I live in this world just to study and work. I think this is the life everyone of us are going through, will go through and must go through.

I came to earth on August 9 1990. This is the day my mother gave birth to me. My parents raise me up and sooner or later its my turn to repay them. They are not a burden to me. They are my love ones. But is this the only thing I am suppose to do in my whole entire life? I have a lot of friends I admit. Treating them well, spend ample time with them. Is this how I going to live on? Its true they bring me joy that brighten up my 18 years of life. I enjoyed too. But is this what my motive in life?

Sometimes I felt that living in this competitive world is just like solving problems we are causing. But people called them invention or saving the earth. Are we? I feel that we are just creating problems that harms the environment. People are just solving and curing the problems that we, ourselves caused and not doing something to help.

We worked so hard for life, for our living. But how many years can we live happily and enjoy the fortune we make? When we meet death, does the fortune we make meet death with us? Does all the things we have comes and goes with us? NO! They don't. So why do I need to work so hard for? If it isn't for our greediness, competitiveness and desires do we need do work our life out? If it isn't because of our desire do we need to be so stress over things?

Its really pointless to live in this world. The loyalty, determination, perseverance, pureness that everyone use to have are gone due to the changing world. We are indirectly forced to face this reality and grow up overnight. Learning the facts of the cruel world. Facing sadness and sorrows, we are train to build trust from 0% not 100%, we are train not to trust anyone, we are train to turn back on others, we are train to make the world rich and competitive and make ourselves poor. Poor in the sense of character.

Question:
What are we left in the end? What are we left?

Answer:
We left something. Yes, something. We left a empty shell in the world for people that really loves us or know us to remember. Without a heart and soul we are nothing. No emotions, no feelings, expressionless, nothing at all.

2008-08-23T16:29:00.004+08:00

Wow! It's been a long time that i blog. Well, time to visit my blog again. Hahas! I am having exams now. 2 papers down left 1 paper to go. Every time during exams the time since to pass by very slowly. When my exams are over the time just rush straight through and when school reopen, I feel I didn't rest enough.

I maybe going to underage party on 31 August at Play club. Heard Play is a Gay club. Wonder if I really will meet gays there. My friend told me yesterday that girls got to be careful when going to this kind of clubbing. The gays there might not be real gays but fake ones. Girls who go there might be molested by the Fakes! But I promise Sharon already. If she is going, I will be going. So since I promise I must be able to do it. Hahas! But I don't have these kind of get molested worries! I am not pretty with no figure so I am very safe! Hehes. Good luck to Sharon ehs.

Yesterday, I was so damn piss off by this idiot guy! Rude towards girls, No respect for people and worst Act mature. And have a typical face that I reall hate about him. Seriously James, this is the first time and the last time I going to meet this guy even though on the 31 August I may have to see him. But I will not put you into a difficult situation. Trust me. I won't scold him in front of all. Don worry! Arrgh! Last time acting angel because of James. If not I will break his bones into pieces.

I am going to make alot of friends. Alot of GUYS friends! I want to have a boyfriend soon. I need the tender, love and care! Hahas. Suddenly lack of all these so going to find one to cover the emptiness of all these yea. Ru Yi jia you yea! (:

Last but not least, for all my friends out there! For all those studying and having exams, All the best yea! Excel in ur studies and strive for the best! For those who are working or having their own business. Jia you for the performance in work and better business u will have. I bet all those I know are the best in everything. Carry on the passion you all have in life. Love you all always yea! Cheers! (:

2008-07-21T21:48:00.003+08:00

Arrgh! These 2 days were like terrible. Why am I always causing so much trouble? I want to make things better but I just make things worst then before. It was all my fault!! So terrible at handling things like this. From now on I will not help anymore. Shouldn't act clever. Maybe I just shouldn't even join in the clique. After I joined in, there are so much things happening. I just bring their whole group down. Maybe what other friends say were right, I just have too much things to handle and to listen but I am still carrying on more things that i can't bear. I should just leave things in the way they should be and not touching or handle it myself. Just acting clever. I should know where i stand and not help others by bothering them.

School term is ending and I still unsure about my studies. I just can't concentrate well. Why am I living for this 18 years of life. Feeling so damn useless! Didn't even achieve anything. Not good in studies, friendship messed up, even I found myself not devoted to a religion. My whole life is in a total mess. Can someone pick me up? Is this God's test?

Still haven't started my case study for CPPB. Will try to complete soon by Thursday night! My only aim for now. Then after that all my schools stuffs to study. Not going to touch anything about my wounds and personal life. Just study! Leave everything to after exams! I will try my best to do that. Don't want to be a failure and let others to see me as a failure!

2008-07-20T01:25:00.005+08:00

Wow. It's been like 3 weeks that I did not post anything. It has been a busy month for me. No ending reports and case study to rush. Go to school to study but knows nothing. Just feel so useless. When all my friends are down. I also can't do anything to help. Know nothing about my friends. Such a failure!

I feel that I just can't concentrate in things that I should do and I want to do. I feel so vexed these few days. Can't control my emotions anymore. My health since to deteriorate a lot. Every time feels like vomiting and feel so giddy all the time. Maybe due to pressure that causes all these to happen. A lot of things is bothering me. Trying to divert my attention to other things but it seems that it just can't work. Past memories are so cruel. It pulls me back to the endless pain that I suffered before. No matter how hard I try things just don't go better.

Feelings of being controlled wasn't good. I am a person that needs a lot of freedom and my own space to take a breather. Maybe I just can't take the stress or pressure. I am just not use to it. Just pray that things will go better!

From now onwards, my whole weekend will be burnt. Friday CG changes to Sunday. No more rest day for me on Sunday. My birthday is arriving. But I want to have a peaceful time with all my close friends. Just a dinner or lunch will be good. Maybe I have too much good birthday celebrations in the past. So now, I don't ask for much. Hahas. Its great to have so much friends around me but it may also be something bad. I know that God loves me. He won't put me in a difficult position only if there is a need. God is always kind to us. Maybe now what I am going through is a time that let me brush up my everything. After all these things that will be good things going to happen.

Hoping to go to a place with peacefulness to hide all my sorrows, pains and emptiness. I want to beach! Its full of peace. A place that let me calm myself down, a place that will let me forget everything and a place to see beautiful scenery. Hope I can go soon! Hahas. (:

2008-06-29T23:47:00.003+08:00

Finally! All test are over. I bet I have done badly. Saddist. I promise myself to study harder for the upcoming exam. Sometimes I thought to myself, Why am I slow in learning and needed triple effort in studying so i can pass? Why i can make it it secondary school and not in poly? Now i know the answer. In Poly, we should have our own determination to study and need to be automatic to do self-study. I can't rely on the lecturers to nag at us to study anymore. Why am I slow? Because God wants me to learn and this is to let me know that there ain't free loaders. We get what we sow. This is what I have learn in church. And I think this is very true!

On Thursday after my last paper, I went to Causeway to get Ryann birthday present. A lot of people came down for his birthday. I feel so relieve at least all the things got into plan and there wasn't any serious situation popping up.

On Friday, Wai Sian and some of my poly friends plus Jean went to watch 'Zohan'. It was very funny but I feel that there wasn't any morale in the story. But at least it was funny. So I didn't regret. After that I went Cell group. It was a fruitful one. The Cg talk about making wise friends. I found out that I am not a good friend. I don't understand them as well as I thought. I am trying to serve the 8 ways! I will try to understand them from now and serve the 8 ways. After that we celebrate Ryann birthday again in Cg. After the Cg end, we went for fellowshipping at Red Hill's kopitiam.

I hope for the next Cg. I feel so bad not going to service on Saturday. I will go next week! (:

2008-06-22T01:29:00.003+08:00

On Friday, I went for Cell group! And guess what? It was so fun!! We played 3 games in total, heart attack, snakes and ladders, stacko!! Hehes. All of the cg members were shouting like mad and got super high when the game started. This madness lasted for about 2 hours. At the end, a lot of us went voiceless. After that it was feasting time! They prepared pasta and drinks for all. Its a pity that I did not eat. Saddist. Too full to squeeze down the pasta. Then there was a prize giving for the first who got lots of stamp during the games. Ryann got they first. 20 stamps he got. When we were about to leave, 3 of us, Ryann, one of the gal (I don't know her name) and I was presented with a gift. RUBIK CUBE!! Ryann and I have actually thought to buy one for ourselves but in the end, they bought it for us. They sure can read our mind. (:

Today I went to the church service. It was a very fruitful service! I learn a lot of significant things like the 3 values of Andrew so on.. We worship and I really feel the presence of God with us! This is the first time I wanted to stay rooted to City Harvest, to God! I feel so blessed in there. Its been a long time since I feel this blessed and relieved. God is really an amazing God! (:

God will bless all! Have faith in miracle healing! (:

2008-06-18T13:27:00.002+08:00

Yippe!! I am back. Hahas. Back to blog, back in Singapore, back in Woodlands, back in my house on my comfortable bed! During the journey to Genting, I miss a lot of people. I miss my whole lots of friends and him. He is in my mind every minute every seconds. When I am at hotel room, I will wonder how is he, what is he doing then, did he sleep well, is his work days tiring, etc, etc. He never leave my mind before after so long. I thought when I am at elsewhere I won't miss him or even think of him but the facts and the thoughts about him proves me wrong. I miss him more and more when I am not with him. I will pray for him, all my friends and family every night. When can I really treat him as normal friend? Even after so much I miss him, I still don't want admit that I still like him a lot a lot a lot. So much that I can't remove him from my mind and thought of him every time and memories of us keep appearing in my mind.

People ask me," You still like him don't you?" I always left this question unanswered or I will say a strict NO. I don't want people around me to see my weakness. I am stubborn I admit, I am weak in the inside I admit, I am a total failure I totally admit. I never thought Love can bring me to this state. I FAILED myself. All the things I said to people seems to have difficulties to work on me.

God! Give me strength to overcome this obstacles. I want to be strong! Amen.

I am the Ru Yi you all have known for the past years. I have change back to my old self. Cheer for me. This is me. This is the Ru Yi I love, I want, I need.

2008-06-04T02:21:00.002+08:00

Yawns. It was a tiring day for me. Rushing my report. Endless torture. Fortunately, I am finishing this report soon. One more day of rushing will be enough for me. I want to complete this report as soon as possible so I can start on my case study. I hope I can finish all my school stuffs by next week Wednesday so I can study for my Mid- Semester test coming up after my break.

He finally message me 2 days ago. I am very happy but confused at the same time. It's very hard to describe how I feel. Happy because at least he still remembers me as a friend. Confused because I actually decide to go out to his church and have a movie with him and his friends that are strangers to me. Hmm.. Really.. Why do I decide to go?? The reason, I also don't know. Am I wanting more from him or just purely wants to be friends with him and just to look at him to see how had he been?? To a lot of people this is a shocked to them that I take this move. Maybe.. Maybe I am still blinded with this split thread. But I still hope that he remembers to remind me about the outing. I am just hoping for too much, isn't it?? He may also forget that I have decided to go out with him to church and movie this Saturday. He may just forget it. I am not important to him anyway.

Since I have said that but why do I still care and anxious about it?? He may not even give it a damn. Why should I care so much? Why am I like this? Why should I even worry if I am to go a not? Why I should? Confused!! Arrgh!! It's getting me crazy! Just go to sleep and don't hope for the impossible!

2008-05-31T22:50:00.002+08:00

I've found out that I am losing myself, my control over my emotions, the feeling of pain and friends. I don't mean to but I am just losing control in things that will affect me the most and the things that I once cherish and the things that I tell people to appreciate and cherish. I am losing my usual focus and calmness. What in the world had happen to me?? This is also not the Ruyi that I've know myself. There should be and I know the answer to this question but I don't want to admit or acknowledge it. I am starting to run away to avoid things that i have to. Why all things just happen in 1 year? I'm also a human who have blood and emotions. I hope to grow up but in a proper way, I don't want to be forced. All regrets and heartache happen in these 1 year of my life. My heart shattered into pieces, no one picks it up and I can't fix it too. Just leave it in a mess. Heart-dead. All closed up. Nothing goes in and nothing goes out.

Today I said and done something horrible to one of my good friends that always stood by me. It will be a loss to me as I know I may lose this good friend forever. What I've say cannot be taken back. Forgive me for saying all those to you. I'm very sorry! Give me time to change back to the girl that you all know. No matter how many days, months or years, I will still try. Sorry to all of u once again...

2008-05-29T21:56:00.002+08:00

Its been a lot times that I can't control my tears. Bleeding it's still bleeding and the pain just bring me down. Times and times I heard his name it will just strike my unheal wounds and prolong the healing of my heart. Whenever I thought it was over, it will start all over again. When can I get over him? This is the question that I always left unanswered. But I know that he won't know and it won't even matter to him. My heart is bleeding now but should it matter??

_Should It Matter- Sissel_

I look at you
Please don't walk away
I see you're about to
There is just something I'd really like to say
So please don't walk away

I know that you're there
Still you pretend you're not
Yes I know it hurts
I have also felt the pain

So should it matter
What I do or what I've done
As long as in my heart
You're still the only one
I hear you say it
But I don't think you understand
I can be trusted now, I swear to you I can

It's been a year
a memory from my past
I know what I did wrong
I wish to change
Just to make it last
But I guess it's been too long

Easy to move on
To forget to about it all
Is that what you do, hoping I will be gone

So should it matter
What I do or what I've done
As long as in my heart
You're still the only one
I hear you say it
But I don't think you understand
I can be trusted now, I swear to you I can

If you got to know me again
Maybe then -- maybe then
We could see what what we should do
But that's all up to you
I'll be waiting for you

So should it matter
What I do or what I've done
As long as in my heart
You're still the only one
I hear you say it
But I don't think you understand
I can be trusted now, I swear to you I can

I hear you say it
But I don't think you understand
I can be trusted now, I swear to you I can

2008-05-26T22:42:00.003+08:00

I am so short of cash! I have to return money to my father, fixed my psp and return Sharon money!! Arghh!! When can I be debtless..

I just hope that my tuition money I could get it now. That auntie owe me like 300 hundred over bucks. If she return the whole thing to me by Friday I will owe no one money. Then after that i could buy the things that I want for so long. I need to buy a new bag because the one that i use previously can't be used anymore and I still need to buy a new wallet!! It's also cant be use anymore!! Coins in my wallet kept dropping out. Getting sick and tired of using it.

Well, I am kind of short of time. I need to rush out my report in 2 weeks time, I need to do 2 case study and a group report for my modules!! But I am still blogging here. Hahas!

I just finish one of my data report all thanks to Angeline. She was waken up by me just now just to help me with that question. Hahas. Her reaction was DAMN FUNNY! When I called her, she thought she was late for school and actually said to me,"I am going to school now, Ruyi!" And the time was like 10.20pm in the night?!? When she know that she gone 'malu', she laughed at her own created jokes and she doesn't allow me in laughing. I think I am going to tell Wai Sian tomorrow. I bet she will laugh til she drop dead! Hahas! Oops! I sound really cheeky and bad. But to me, 'GOOD THINGS' are meant to be shared! (:

2008-05-22T23:45:00.001+08:00

Getting worse! I've got to rush my report and case study during the 3 weeks break then got to study for MST. OH NO!! I still got to go Genting with my family. My 3 weeks holiday will be gone like this. What a waste!

Today i read a newspaper report(Wan Bao) about the earthquake in Szechuan(China). This article really gave me a shock. It really broke my heart when i saw this news. She is a really optimistic person with strong will of life and I am very impressed by her nobility.

Its about a lady who committed suicide so that the rescuers could give up on her and save the others that was also trapped in the building due to earthquake. This lady was in this building that collapse during the earthquake. Her whole lower part of her body was covered with heavy objects like fallen ceilings, bricks. She was also heavily covered by her blood. She was still alive and had a strong will to live on and survive. She was found by her niece and the rescuers.In the process of rescuers trying to get her out, if I am not wrong, it took them 4 days. Even though she was bleeding badly, her will of living was not shaken, even until the 4th day. She told her niece that she will not die, she will survive and live on. But she couldn't take the pain anymore, she told the rescuers that she was not important and the place is too dangerous for them to stay on to save her. She then requested the rescuers to give her up and move on to save the others that are trapped too. She slit her wrist, bear the pain, swallowed the golden ring that she wore on her fingers and died. She could hang on to the pain till that point was all because of her niece. When she know that her niece was save, she had nothing to worry about anymore. This was what the lady said to the rescuers before she committed suicide.

If she did not committed suicide, she still had the chance to survive and be save. But she chose not to and gave the chances to others to live on. I doubt not everyone can be like her. Give up her life for others that she don even know. Her nobility really touches me and make me think further.

I don't understand why one of the teenagers in China, take a video of herself scolding and insulting the people suffered in this issue just because of the game she playing was shut down by the government. In the end, she was caught by the police. The video was up on Youtube and was remove yesterday. A lot of people saw her video and was disgusted by her attitude and her inhumanity. Even though she regretted what she had said but it will still bring a strong impact on everyone about her.

People always don't cherish their loved ones around them until he/she loses them. Don't do something that will let you regret. Not everything in life can let things that are done to be redo. There won't be a time turner to turn back time for you to love them and treat them well again. Everyone, Please appreciate what your loved ones have done for you and treat them well. There may be quarrels or fights that hurt both of your feelings. But I believe that nothing in this world that can't be solved. Nothing is more important than these 3 things in life, kinship, friendship and love relations. They boost our boring work life or study life to motivate us to excel in everything we do. If u left out your love ones now, you will regret. It is still not late to cherish everyone around us now, DO IT NOW!!

2008-05-20T21:53:00.003+08:00

OH MY GOD! In the end it was me that put my friends plane. Well they have to sing on their own. I am SO SORRY Jean and James. Didn't meant to break the promise. Sorry once again.

Today, Tuesday is always a tough day for me. No break from 8am to 5pm for usual Tuesday but today was a new record. 8am to 6pm no break or what so ever due to my GEMS quiz. And I think I may fail my quiz. The quiz was so damn difficult. Heard from Hui Yi, one of my poly friends said that the paper we took today is much more difficult then the previous semesters. I am getting sick of Tuesdays. But everytime after Tuesday will always be my heaven. All my Wednesday, Thursday and Friday lessons are always quite fun and always end quite early compared to Monday and Tuesday.

One of my lecturers brighten up my Tuesday lessons. There was a guy kept whistling during her lecturer when everyone was copying down the tutorial answers. The first time she heard she just kept quiet. The second time she heard, she look around to see who was the joker. The third time she shouted out loudly," Who is the KUKU bird that kept on whistling?!?" The whole theatre filled with laughter. Every male students in my class started looking down at their pants giggle and said,"Shut up lahx birdie! Don't whistle." The whole lecture theatre filled with laughter again.
Her lecture is always fun and entertaining. Its been so long that I never see such a lecturer. Going for her class is always a pleasure more than a drag. I've always enjoy her lesson.(:

Yesterday, Benjamin lose to me 5 times in a row. Hahas! I know I sounds like a baddie but he seldom win me with arguments. Woots!! Benjamin was TOTALLY FLATTEN by me yesterday. So happy!! I want to keep up the great job! Benjamin I am so sorry BUT I will still try to flatten you more. So in the meanwhile wait please be patience and wait!! Hahas! ((:

2008-05-17T23:47:00.003+08:00

Woots!! Today I went to Party World with Alex, Ricky, Jia Wei, Bi Fei and 3 of Bi Fei's friends. It turned out that Alex and I one room. I almost gone CRAZZY with him. He was so damn high!! i almost gone mad staying in one room with him. He went out of tune til i almost fainted due to laughter. Ricky came with a very "CUTE" sunglasses. He said he looks like panda eyes due to lack of sleep. So he borrowed his sister's sunglasses to cover his panda. I think everyone gone laugh out loud when they see Ricky with the sunglasses. =P Oopps! I sound so bad. Hahas! I heard Jia Wei sings today! First time. He sang not bad but too soft. If he dare to sing i will be his supporters. Jia Wei I SUPPORT YOU!! Hahas.

After that I went to my poly friend's house to do my CPPB practical report. Jayne cooks for Royston, Jannifer and me!! DELICIOUS!! PASTA PASTA!! If i continue to go Jayne's house, I will grow FATTER! Jayne also treat us feed us with ice-cream! Roy and Jan eat durian ice-creams. I HATE durians. Weird smell, Weird taste, Weird texture. It is weird. Just don't understand why people like to eat them. I will throw up everytime i smell durian. My nose especially damn sensitive with it. I am always the first one to smell the fruit. Sadded.

Tomorrow I am going to Party World again with Jeanette they all. Hope they won't put me plane. Hahas. Signing off now!! Woots!! (:

2008-05-15T23:38:00.004+08:00

Today schooling wasn't as bad as i thought so. I met some of my year one friends. They said something that make me feel so touched and relieve. "You are part of our group." this was the sentence that brightens up day. Finally I found a sense of belonging in school this year. This was the first time I am really happy and I can tear down the wall in myself. I will try harder to be be in a better help to all.

It was so fun to play BBall today. 4 against 2,Ricky, Wei Siong, Mei Mei and me VS Benjamin and Jia Wei. And guess what?? The four players win. Haha! Nothing to be proud of. If we still lose, it will be such a embarrassment.

After that James, Karen, Mei Mei and I went to the playground to play hopscotch. While playing, it reminds me of my primary school days. I always played with my classmates when I was Pri 2. Hahas. In the end, James got first, I second, Karen third and Mei Mei got last. Hehes. No matter who wins, I really enjoy today's fun activity. After a fun game of hopscotch, Benjamin ask me to help him massage, I went over to help him then went all around to help all. Now my hands gone jelly jelly.

Finally we went home as we were all tired and it was getting late. But the fun did not end here. On the way home, I went around using my rabbit bag to hit Benjamin and Ricky. Both of them fall for my trick and almost went tumbling down. Hahas. Sounds so bad. Jeanette and Benjamin being CRAZY went hitting me with the hands of my baggy. I got to POKE Ricky's, Jia Wei's and Benjamin's arms today! Jeanette and I went BERSERK and started to poke Ricky's arm and we went like "WA! RICKY YOUR ARMS ARE DAMN FIRM! HA! I CAN FEEL YOUR MUSCLES!!"
When i try to get near Jia Wei, he ran away for his arms like some loansharks chasing him. Jean and I went poking like mad women until Jean reaches her block. Hahas. After that they have to continue to suffer from my poking until Shop and Save. I think all of them will get nightmare today. Due to the torture that happen earlier. Hehes.

Today is one of my best times. Ricky is active so is Jia Wei, Benjamin, Karen, James, Jean and me. So fun. I really enjoyed loads of fun. Everytime when I am with them i feel great and can be the CRAZY me. Hahas.

*Thanks to all of you. Thanks for giving me a wonderful time today. I hope that there will be more happy outings, no matter is Bballing, playing or chit-chatting PLEASE remember to call me down OK. THANKS!! Love All of you! (:*

2008-05-14T21:58:00.004+08:00

Time for me to return to my blog... Thinking back.. I am wasting my time to things that doesn't belong to me anymore.. but I just can't seems to let go and I am holding on more and more tightly to it..

I've never thought that a given up relationship can bring so much pain to me. I always thought that I am strong enough to face every ups and downs in my life, but he change me and my thinking. Once a bowl has been smashed into pieces it will never return to its original self anymore.. No matter how hard we try to fix or how good our handicraft are, the once smashed bowl will always have flaws on it.. Or even worst, the bow will never be fix...

Memories flow back again and again and I can't control, emotions went bad to worst, my life is now in a mess... A total mess that I can't clear.. I only can let it to be in this mess because the more I clear the mess the huger pain I've got. I can't cry, I can't move on, I can't return to my old self again. Maybe everything shouldn't have happen, shouldn't have started but I am too stubborn to force things go otherwise. Those true and hurtful memories let me got sick of love songs, tired of tears, pulls me down, leaving with a changed Ruyi.

But I don't want to turn back time. I don't want to turn back time as i am afraid that all the memories that belongs to me wont be mine. Without those memories I know that my life will be empty like a blank piece of paper. Just hope time can heal the wounds in my heart, stop my wounds from bleeding again and again.

2007-12-10T22:06:00.000+08:00

haix... life is getting tougher day by day... and.. getting confused also.. sianx.. hmm.. i some sort of the the person that i like finally.. i think he is a good person.. but i don knw him well bahx.. i don have high hopes.. but i really hope that even that there may not be anything, but we can be good frenx.. i think he is a very understanding person.. and cute bahx.. i should say.. hope to know him more...

i hope i can stick with my group of sp fren and will not change.. if we really got separated it will be tough.. got to find and make new frens again.. finally getting use to each other but now, got to change again.. sad lehx.. but no matter wat happens, i hope my frens will stay happy and be happy.. i think this is the most i can do.. pls stay in contact guys.. don forget me.. u all were once my classmates and will always be frenx of mine.. and don be afarid to find me when u all nid help.. even if i cant help but i am willing to lent u my ears... i can be u all de punching bag too.. so pls.. don give up and continue on wor... will miss u all de.. work and study ad for the upcoming semester exam... smile always and cheers to all... =)

2007-12-06T21:57:00.000+08:00

yesterdae too tired and down to blog... but yesterday afternoon was a good time.. wai sian, chun han(wai sian's friend) and i went to mos burger.. then something mystical happen.. wai sian's cppb practical datasheet gone missing... that time we really panick as we got to hand in the next dae which is todae... we were thinking, how will we lost a paper in a confine area.. we search the place high and low even the rubbish bin... but we still cant find it.. after that sze hui came and find me.. she was also shocked that we lost the datasheet.. she knows how important is the paper to us... she try to think of ideas to help us.. then a spark strike into chun han's mind... he pick up a paper on the table and try to slot it in the gap between the sofa chair's seat and the hollow wood that supports the seat.. and guess wat.. the paper jux slot in without any problem... then he guess that the datasheet may slip inside it... OMG.. he use all his strength to dismantle the chair.. and he made it!! he took the paper out with pride.. haha.. but thats the end of the sofa chair!! after he destroy the pathetic chair.. we ran out of mos without turning.. luckily the wasnt any ppl around.. and their staffs was in the kitchen.. haha.. that was the last thing that i tot chun han will do.. we laugh til we can breathe... i think that will be the final time that chun han will go to the mos burger over there.. haha..
>>> if anyone interested to know where is the place u can ask me... i will be more than willing to tell u all.. haha!!
>>>>>~dAnDaNs fAmIlY~ official date:*30112007*
>>>>>>> Love all of u!! Cheers to all and smile always.. ^waiting for him^

2007-12-04T22:10:00.000+08:00

todae is a tiring day.. i found out that i know nth for alot of my modules.. i think this time even od also cant help me le.. really don feel like forwarding any module... really a waste of time and money.. i try to persuade myself to study but always turn out to be lazy.. cant i have more determination?? haix.. time is getting shorter for me...
todae i talk to someone and the person told me that i am a person that nv stands in his or her position to think for him or her when talking... haix.. i still wondering...
tomolo going out le... with hui they all... haha.. i want to go destress!!! yeah!!

2007-12-03T21:25:00.000+08:00

hmm.. i am getting more stressed up day by day.. i cant stop myself from panicking.. really.. i have not been myself lately.. being weird in temper and getting worst i character.. sometimes i wonder why i let it affect my mood.. i really hate it alot.. i know there are people out there worst then me.. like some of my friends.. but i jux really cant control on my own.. don think anyone can help me. i can only get over it myself. jux feel like drowning myself in sleep and nv be awake... but i know i cant there is more in life that worth for me to live and enjoy like my family and frenx.. they are really my best remedy. cause i know they will always be there for me.. i hereby say thanks to all of my frens... i feel that i getting further drifting further... i am suffocating i can hardly breathe... hope God can save me... i also hope that God can help those ppl around me that are having difficulties...
>>no one is a burden... there are always thing that we can share no matter is good or bad.. there is nth all good and bad. i believe everything happen has a reason behind it..
>>>hope everything will soon be solved...
>>>>DaNdAnS fAmIlY rAwKs!! *30112007*
>>>>>coming up chalet on 15th dec!! all pls come.. miss u all so much!! =)

2007-12-02T19:32:00.000+08:00

I LOVE MABEL CHEW TAN FENG!!!

i love her so so so much!

2007-12-02T18:28:00.000+08:00

oh my god!! i long time nv blog le.. no time to blog.. die le my blog.. i this few months too busy with school stuffs.. haix. my school results seems so suxy... haix..i am trying to change myself to a girl... to a feminie one.. haha.seems very difficult.. zhe mo ban... haha.. yesterdae go chris birthdae party was a nightmare.. ppl laugh at my name.. all chris fault... i also kena 2 pieces of cake.. oh my god.. i go home with all coffee smell. so suay.. cheng nv got any... chris bully ppl de lohx.. dun liike him.. haix.. be his mei so jia lat.. haix.. but i pour coconut milk on him.. hahaha.. i got my revenge.. haha.. finally mei can bully kor kor!!! =) chris got drunk!! haha.. like me dun know how to drink! like brother like sister.. haha.. but yesterday i did enjoy.. but in know someone didnt.. but i don care... it is none of my business..

2007-08-11T00:23:00.000+08:00

yep!!! i am back.. haha.. on 9 aug, i tot there will not be surprises for me but thanks to a great friend.. i really enjoy it totally. beginning in the late morning i meet jean and james to go bugis to pray to god and went to the national library.. not to wat we expected, the library was closed on public holidaes. sigh... can sae we were quite disappointed. but then it was all not a wasted trip. at least i fulfil my mission there... to PrAy!!! we have laksa there... it was damn nice. jean bought me a cheesecake.. oREO cheese cAKE.. YEAH!! it seems so long that i have one... we go home around 8 at night. then i went home slack.. haix.. i was thinking of my simple birthday trip when around 11 in the night.. sharon called me... she sounds really urgent to see me.. i panicked and rush out to open the door. to my surprise, she was holding a cake with 1 candle lit up and 16 lying around... haha... i was so happy.. she put in a effort to spent my remaining 1 hour of birthdae with me.. i was touched.. this is te first time i realised that i did not nid alot of big events to have my birthdae every year.. this small things make me really happy.. i sneaked out to have my cake with sharon at my block 5th floor. it is so meaningful.. it is the one of the best birthdae i have in my 17 years of life.. haha. i really wanted to thaks sharon, james and jean for this wonderful birthdae.. it might be simple.. but i can feel the sincerity in them.. i will nv forget this dae... U guyS... i REALLY appreciate alot.. i owe u all alot... =)

>> todae sharon, james, mabel, karen, xiao hao and me went to vivo to eat sushi teh.. it was good... we ate alot... my stomach almost burst after eating so much stuffs.. well.. i did not pay for the delicious meal... they all pay for me... =) .. then after tat we went to candy empire... haha.. the stuffs there are not as unique as i think.. alot of the stuffs there are more expensive and i did not buy.. cant make myself to buy stuffs that so ex... after tat we went to amk to play pool... i only play one time and i really sux at it.. the rest of the time i jux sat there and watch... after a few games, the overall winner is out... and the winner is SHARON!!!! woooHHOO!!! wow!! she so long nv play still can play so well... haha... i also want to thank karen, james and xiao hao... Karen was down with rashes and she still make a effort to come down to vivo and peix me eat... she onli ate very little things but still pay the same amount as the others.. James... he actually on fridae which is todae, he cant come out de.. because of me... to celebrate with me, he rejected his mother offer to go out with her and went out with me... as for xiao hao.. i did not know him too long.. but he still willing to celebrate with me... and of course treat me eat.. thankx to all of u... u all makes me feel so special...

>>> I ruyi here, in my blog, sae a very thank u to u guys for making a special dae for me... thanks ALOT!!! =) touched by u all. i also want to thanks to everyone who wishes me happi birthdae... THanks to allmy sp frenx and secondary school friends... and chung cheng.. he bought me a plush doggie for me... i really like it alot.. thank u to all of u!!! =) hope we all will do well in everything we do... all the best to everyone here and myself!!! >
>>>> Special Thanks To U All:
____ Sharon
____ James
____ Mabel
____ Karen
____ Jeanette
____ Zhi Hao

Thank you!!! Cheers to all of u!!! stay happy and cheerful everyone!!! =)

2007-07-21T21:36:00.000+08:00

oh... a big surprise is happening.. haha.. is a secret til now... no one noe.. except me.. jux now a person sae thanks to me in msn for nothing.. omg... that guy might be mad.. haha.. i ask him why but he don want tell me... dotx.. first time got ppl sae thankx to me for nothing. maybe i really do something but i also don noe.. til now i still want to noe the reason. haha. nationla dae is coming so is my exam. cant even celebrate with a light heart. haix. finally bc and my matter has taken rest. and i think is over le bahx. todae i went to geylang serai to do cip.. enjoy it quite all right. quite slack and fun too.. mrs leong really cares abt us... and i only get to know recently.. i misunderstood her... regrets.. haix.. at least from now on i will treat her with respect.. i think no teacher in the world that wont care for their students bahx.. i am very lucky that i met alot of good teachers that is good to me.. i feel i am actually very fortunate.. haha.. ok write til here.. going to chat with the mad guy that sae thanks to me.. JiA you for my exams and to everyone.. wish all of us have success...!!!! =)

2007-05-25T23:15:00.000+08:00

yeah!! todae finally i went to the euro fair.. haha.. damn fun.. we went to play the vortex.. the feeling is damn good.. it jux keep on turning and turning. beginning i actually don want to go for that ride. when i look from bottom of the ride, it is spinning damn fast... damn fast.. in the end, when i stood there some strong feeling give me the courage to sit on that ride.. well on the ride, it is not as fast as we saw at the beginning. it is damn fun... i really shouted all my unhappiness out during that ride.. my heart feels lighter after that.. happier..

then after that we gone on to play the euro wheel(ferries wheel)... the ride is like damn BORING... firstly is a total waste of money as singapore, woodlands, there is no scenary for us to see.. and the ride is so damn slow til i feel so uncomfortable when riding on it and after it.. the place is fill with petroleum smell, not much wind(means no fresh air), it totally sucks... i regretted taking that ride... really.. maybe when it station on the other countries i may want to try again.. i vomit after taking the euro wheel.. one or two of my friends also feel weird and uncomfortable after that, one of them went back home then vomit.. but i got the immediate effects... haix... regrets... ok.. i blog finish todae thing le.. gtg buaix.. =)

2007-05-23T21:40:00.000+08:00

well.. todae is the dae to blog... haha.. woohooo... i do a lot of stunts todae... very malu.. haha... all are good memories.. this is the best memories with u guys. i will always keep it well and always in the bottom of my heart.. i will nv forget you all.. although there might be sad things that happen in the past, lets buried them and start again.. forgive and forget.. i know it might be difficult but i know we can do it.. haix.. a pile of work undone and needed to pass up all next week.. 5 projects on hand.. not even done any of it... haix.. sometimes really hate holidaes.. i will slack!! i cant finish things on time... and the one week break suppose to be catching up all the things we have left out... and now.. think will not be able to complete... sad siax... now i feel that being in poly.. is a bit better then the first few weeks.. kind of getting use to it le.. the friends we make there is at a wider range.. i hope all my friends in sp will stick together no matter thick or thin for the 3 years... i got to thanks them.. they really know how to cheer me up when i am down.. like geraldine and fairuz... they are really like big sisters... always taking care of me... thanks friends... u all will always be on my list... =) stay cheerful... i will stop here todae.. got to rush all my work now.. haha.. = p

2007-05-17T10:51:00.000+08:00

yox... everyone. i am back.. it is been a long time since i blog.. at least i come back to visit my blog once in a while.. cannot blame me ok. karen i stop blogging also got reason de hor.. got to concentrate on my studies le.. i so stupid... people understand.. not like me... i don understand wat the "brilliant" lecturer sae.... so cannot blame me hor... haha... wa... alot of ppl sae life in poly is good and will be the most enjoyable time of ur life but... why i like suffering then enjoying... i am busy struggling with my modules then enjoying life... so stupid... haix.. onli the first test then i like dying already.. very sianx.. now discussing abt the the enthunasia thingy... think ppl should havethe right to live on earth.. better the using this final and cruelty way.. to some ppl, they might feel that this is a only way to end ppl misery, the angelic and soft way to help ppl... but i feel this is also a form of kiling... it is jux a sin... to many religion does not approve it at all.. there may be alot of ppl in our country stil cant accept this way of dying... there are alot of pros and cons... but i really don like this way.. i cant imagine my love one leaving me... i also don like my beloved to suffered due to illnesses... i don like both way.. i also don want this to happen to my beloved one and myself to... i hope ppl can give me commentx in my tagboard.. awaiting for u all de comments.... =) thankx... everyone stay happy and cheerful.. jia you!!

2007-04-13T21:47:00.000+08:00

haha.. waiting for a long time to blog.. this time at a more special place...at 846.. this is a place that my friends and i always meet up... this place is filled with our memories.. happy and sad... this place is like our second home... but not with my family members.. but with my close friends... school is reopening soon... on monday... i think that i rest too long le... not use to going to school le... and somemore this time i am going to a more unfamiliar place... singapore poly... a totally new place for me.. everything must start from the beginning... make new friends.. get use to the big and unfamiliar place... i kinda miss my school and my teachers and my old gang of friends.... i hope i will get use to it soon... kind of getting stress le... haven start school then need to study and do flag day... i hope i will get use to it.. it is a total different life like in pri and sec school...

today is a good news for me... jean get to nafa le.. they send a letter to her le... i hope she will also get to know ppl from her school... all my friends are happy for her... jean u must work hard and jia you... don be afarid of the new place... we must work hard together to get use to it... our friendship will fall bahx... hope so...

>>>> all my friends please keep in contact... we will have a gathering soon... then we can get to know everyone new self... i think we will have alot to say to each other.... so pleasesave money or coming up chalet... don turn us down...

Xiao hao sae that i long time nv wrote them in my blog... i going to sae u all everytime in my blog... so don grumble if i do so karen... don blame me... ur h.U.b.B.y sae so de... haha... they all de relationship is getting better as days pass by... don be sad even though both of u are not in the same time.. this is a test from heaven to test the stability of ur relationship... so don get discourage.. no matter wat don let it affect u both de studies... i have faith in both of u... don let me down.. i already gave u allmy blessings le.. if u all cAn pass this test given by heaven i bet u all can last a long time and wont quarrel over little things... so hang in there... after this both of u will have a better future... jia you... wish both of u well....

i will write til here today... need a huge rest to replenish my energy... stay cheerful everyone... night...!! =)

2007-04-05T23:57:00.000+08:00

haix.. its a sad dae for me todae... i FELL down..... haiz.. my left leg kena sprain.. right leg , left hand,right hand also injured... even my face... very sainx.. even my specs also get injured.. very sad... now got hurt very ma fan... do things become clumsy... so troublesome.. regret saying a long time never fall down liaox... haix...

i suddenly very fond to listen to cou nan ren... weird.. must be this few daes kept on watching er mo.. haix.. regret so so so late then watch.. this show like 2 yrs ago liaox... i like the male role de character.. hahas.. he so handsome.. so adventurous.. even though on the surface he is like a er mo.. but underneath all the things he do is all for others.. very caring.. wo kan le.. gai bian le wo hen duo xiang fa... haix... this may also be the reason that i like to watch the ou xiang ju...

now i finally understand... xin fu, kuai le, is short lived... we may be happy, contented for now.. but for another we might think another way... isnt it weird??? life can be so miserable isnt.. but who don wish that xin fu and kuai le can stay longer with everyone... i must sae we should appreciate this... don take it for granted cause.. yi bu xiao xin ta jiu hui bu jian le... if we all don want to lose it then protect them.. don let these items that cant buy with money to vanish...

2007-04-02T22:08:00.000+08:00

hmm.. its been a few daes i never write on my blog.. haha.. this week there is a new trend in our gang.. taking cab.. we have been taking cab to everywhere we go.. haix.. we so broke le still take cab.. i guess we have get use to it le... school is starting soon.. stillin holiday mood..i am afarid that i will not be use to poly life... i have been wearing school uniform for at least 12 years... i think so.. that includes kindergarten.. todae my friends and i went to sharon house to play ma jiang... wooo.. james win the most todae..being the luckiest among all of us... wel i also win abit.. i think karen, xiao hao and xian jun lose the most bahx... finally on 30032007 xiao hao and karen zheng shi stead le... zhen wei ta men kan dao gao xin... hope they willlose longer.. i believe they are serious with each other.. even though they did not go throug much thick and thin but i feel they are quite stable... karen might be easily influence but i think now with xiao hao will settle her down... sharon also..i hope sharon and ah boi will stay together as long as possible... they will be having their 2nd year anniversary soon... hope they will be happy... be as long as possible and stayas loving as after...

2007-03-27T22:16:00.000+08:00

hmm.. first blog of the dae i mean this yr?? haha. i am going to go poly soon le. kind of miss my sec life with all my good friends. now, we got to be separated soon, in different school, different course le. don noe when we will have another gathering again to talk abt our recent lifes. i jux hope i can turn back time to be in secondary school again. is it better this way. anyway we still got to carry on with our life there is no turning back of time.. todae karen, xiao hao and i went to sp to buy laptop.. haix.. i forget to bring my identification card. wat a waste trip cant buy laptop without student card can tmake student card without any identification card... waste of my precious time.. it will be a lesson learn.. learn to bring identity card.. haix.. i hope karen and xiao hao will be happy together. i know they love each other.. and i know xiao hao love her seriously, truthfully, deeply and honestly.. i also know that karen love him as deep as xiao hao..

So,
karen, appreciate him, trust him, have faith in him, don let this good opportunity runs away..

xiao hao, same to u too. karen will be stubborn at times, so give in to her.. treat her well, she will be urs...

Now,
i will give my blessings to both of u.. hope u two will be together happily ever after... stay as loving as ever!

2007-03-26T23:15:00.000+08:00

testing testing.
this is jean helping ruyi with her blog