I've found out that I am losing myself, my control over my emotions, the feeling of pain and friends. I don't mean to but I am just losing control in things that will affect me the most and the things that I once cherish and the things that I tell people to appreciate and cherish. I am losing my usual focus and calmness. What in the world had happen to me?? This is also not the Ruyi that I've know myself. There should be and I know the answer to this question but I don't want to admit or acknowledge it. I am starting to run away to avoid things that i have to. Why all things just happen in 1 year? I'm also a human who have blood and emotions. I hope to grow up but in a proper way, I don't want to be forced. All regrets and heartache happen in these 1 year of my life. My heart shattered into pieces, no one picks it up and I can't fix it too. Just leave it in a mess. Heart-dead. All closed up. Nothing goes in and nothing goes out.

Today I said and done something horrible to one of my good friends that always stood by me. It will be a loss to me as I know I may lose this good friend forever. What I've say cannot be taken back. Forgive me for saying all those to you. I'm very sorry! Give me time to change back to the girl that you all know. No matter how many days, months or years, I will still try. Sorry to all of u once again...